punk rock party

I went to a local punkrock and metal concert today.
some of the bands were very good, some were just crap, but it was fun. we had beer and danced a lot. I lost my cross earring during the pogo (I found it again later) and sb hit me on the nose and now I got bruises all over my legs and arms. i guess tomorrow my chest will hurt cause I got crashed...
In the end, everyone was drunk so the last band didnt get the respect they deserved.....
The most punks went out and started fighting with two nazis, and on my way home I saw two almost dead drunk girls lying around and two police cars.

that is punk.

future

I'll keep going on. to a place far away, where nobody's been before.
I'll live to be free.

tears

sometimes I feel like I'll cry right away.

My mum came upstairs and said "how can you just return to your everyday-life right now? is it so easy for you?"
I told her, "do you want me to lie on the bed crying? it's just my way to think of something else!"

I'll get somethibng to eat now, before I get too emotional again.

wait. surprise, surprise. jonny called. we'll see what happennes. he wants us to be friends again, but i kinda dont care.

a lot of things happened. some of'em are to difficult to explain.

today was the grandma's funeral. I cried...I always though "okay, now you can calm down. it's all fine now."
but i couldn't stop crying...it seems like a bad dream or a joke...I mean...can you imagine how it feels to carry a dead body and bury it in the cold earth? it's so strange...
but it was beautiful...so many people came....
I almost broke down shivering when we were walking to the grave.
it seemed like forever.

and now I'm sitting here...it's cold and dark outside....knowing that my grandma is lying peaceful in a coffin under the earth. isn't she lonely?

It seems like a long time ago when I visited her...taking her hand, her warm hand...thinking of death, but not thinking that death will come...

her skin is cold and soft. cold like some stone on a winter morning.

I.....

I've stayed at my grandmother's side all day until two men came to pick her up.
I never cried that much any day.
My mummy asked me if this was too much for me. I told her I wanted it like this. I wanted to gather these experiences.

I'm wasted....
Tomorrow....we've got work today.

I'll go to bed later. Sleep well, granny.

it's all over. my father called. he said " your grandmother just died." I was in shock. I cry. he also cried. my head hurts. it's over. it's okay, it's fine.
es is vorbei. sie ist eingeschlafen. sie ist fort. aber wohin? wo ist sie jetzt? wie kann sie fort sein,w enn sie doch eben noch da war?