a lot of things happened. some of'em are to difficult to explain.

today was the grandma's funeral. I cried...I always though "okay, now you can calm down. it's all fine now."
but i couldn't stop crying...it seems like a bad dream or a joke...I mean...can you imagine how it feels to carry a dead body and bury it in the cold earth? it's so strange...
but it was beautiful...so many people came....
I almost broke down shivering when we were walking to the grave.
it seemed like forever.

and now I'm sitting here...it's cold and dark outside....knowing that my grandma is lying peaceful in a coffin under the earth. isn't she lonely?

It seems like a long time ago when I visited her...taking her hand, her warm hand...thinking of death, but not thinking that death will come...

her skin is cold and soft. cold like some stone on a winter morning.

I.....