hurry

1 hour and 20 mintes left until I'll meet with Maren and her Boyfriend at the irish pub. later on we'll going to see a crappy band at the level eight. I really hate them, but i wanna make myself prettey and have a good time tonight.

kaffee&zigaretten

meet me at the level eight tonight! I'm the drunk one dancing and crying.

I'm lookin forward to a nice glass of whine.

meaningless art that people showed

fuckin prick.
she rans out of her stupid nail studio, yanks out the newspapers from the postboxes that weren't even hers, grabbs my arm and shouts at me. she shouted and yelled at me and didnt stop whatever I said.
she called me "evil".
she lied in front of her customers and wasnt even ashamed of it. such a poor bitch...

what offends me the most is the fact that she was mad at me out of nothing, I didnt hurt her in ANY way and she was just mean and unfair to me! such happenings are so horrible for me.
I'm doing the almost low-paid job of the whole society and get treated so mean.
I'm in a good mood to slap her fuckin face.

announcement?

ZERO said he had an anouncement to make for the european fans...
I'm so scared that D'espairsRay might come back to Europe in 2010. Of course I would love to see them again more than anything, but that willl not happen if they come again so soon. maybe in two years....
everyone else will be able to go, but not me.
when I saw them for the first time, I was too overwhelmed and shocked by the fact of being there, but next time I want to remember everything and treasure these moments in my heart, and I wanna look at only ZERO while standing in the front row. I wanna enjoy it.
But I cannot go there this time.

I can imagine how much it will hurt when I sit at home knowing my most beloved artists are giving a gig right that night, without me.

fauna

still working on the new ficcu.

when I went out in the garden to smoke today my cat finally joined me again. he kept staring at a bird and came close enough to catch it, but then two other birds showed up and saw the danger, so they warned the other bird with very loud and hysterical noises.
for a while the first bird just looked around in a confused way and then finally flew away from the ground so sit on a tree with the other birds. at that moment they got quiet.

it was very interesting to watch...I was really curious who was going to win. it seemed like they birds really were able to communicate.

my cat returned and seemed disappointed so I gave my little bird hunter a hug.

back to work!

old times

love him or die!!





sadly it didnt last on Tomo's shoe.

pon iz not amused.

I dreamed something very strange last night.
I recorded LEECH with the gazettE while Dir en grey were watching from a döner kebap store...

this one was taken last summer on the summer festival, right before D'espairsRay's gig.
it was placed on a rollercoaster.
isn't it fuckin mean?

new stuff

I'm finally done.
It feels like I had some new stuff even if it's just the old stuff in a new order~
it took me hours!
I noticed that I have six kinds of t-shirts...
this is two-thirds of all my clothing:

my clothes were just as high as the bed from ground to pillows...

I arranged everything according to color and preferences so I'll always know when someone wanted to try on my stuff~

My babies <3
My last black ones got lost....pity T__T

I love black shades <3

eminem

I'm cleaning out my closet lol.
Will take a while, coz it's really really messy...and full of empty wine botteles. I'm curious how many I'll find.

carnival

Today was the carnival parade and I was there to dance for my dancing school. Good thing, it wasnt cold at all and I got candy on my way home.
But 10 minutes after we started I was already so much in pain. My stomach hurt as hell and I just wanted to throw up and go home. But as usual I tried to forget it and gave everything. It was hard coz we hadnt very much space and had to keep dancing and walking forward.
I felt really sick, but stayed there for an whole hour after the parade had ended, coz we were supposed to do a memphis. But these fuckers didnt play it! I waited all day in pain just for fuckin three minutes of memphis and then - nothing.

I went home and had a tea and watched TV. My belly still hurts, but it's because of the jumping. It's like stiffness, and many others felt the same afterwards.

I was kinda the center of attention because of my hair and sunglasses. I love my makeup.

success

I updated my FF "French lessons"!
It took me over 8 eight hours to write it and again 8 eight hours to type it on word.
I'm done....

singing

I recorded Monokuro this afternoon, it turned out to be quite okay.
I used subtitles, and it took me over 2 hours to hear out what Hari sings, look it up in a dictionary and and make a proper english sentence out of it.
Mastering where to put the subs was dificult too, coz I had to watch out for the right second. Gosh it was so hard, but everything went well. I'll call darling now and tell her about it, coz this is hers.

inner thoughts.

I really feel like I need a time-out.
I didnt do anything productive the last days, just work and wait for things to come that didnt happen.

I need a cig and wine now. I cant even go out and have fun with my friends drinking coz every action reminds me of her.
maybe it's just meant to be like that. guess it's forbidden to think of something else for a second.^^

I met my exboyfriend again - he's always there when there's music and beer! it was great to see him. he made me so many compliments along with other people we met, so I was really happy. I sometimes need that. Often.
I forced him to make out with his friend and he did so. I always get what I want, hehe.

I'm leaving in about half an hour.

I fucking hate silence.

ameba

the movie was great and sad. of course I cried....

I love the new D'espairsRay blog at ameba! even though i dont udnerstand a word, i kinda get along with the site and the pics the guys upload are (almost) always interesting. I hope they keep it like that.

still got work to do. and I'm hungry and I have a headache.

right now, my Darling is supposed to sit next to me. right this second. but fuckin world fuckin ruined it.

I can see my neighbour cooking...I dont want to see that!

movie time

I uploaded a new ficcu (RxR), hopefully someone'll read it.

I bought a movie today called "les filles du botaniste". haven't watched it yet, but I hope it will be good.

gosh, I thought I had lost the coupons from my last birthday and it would have been a desaster since I wanted to buy CDs with em.
Rena and me searched them everywhere, and then my Mother entered the room, took up a magazine placed on my TV - and there they were. God.

Note: They are now in the bag my darling gave me for christmas. the internet does not forget.

evening activities

I just took a very hot bath - there was steam on my skin when I took my arm out of the hot water!
I wanted to take a bath with my love...and I used the bath oil we wanted to use...and I smoked and drank wine and listened to 12012. It was so damn relaxing and wonderful.
Sometimes I just need a time out.

I'm smelling like the bath oil now lol. And I'm a bit drunk.....time for guitar playing!

Playing, eating, calling darling, sleeping. yeah. good plan.

näiden täthien alla

beneath the stars I'm waiting for you....all I own is the slight touch of your voice, deeply anchored in my heart.

my heart is being branded by your memory.

beneath the stars I'll be always waiting for you.
Until you come to kiss me.

Until you come back.

beneath the stars I'm waiting
believing love is like lava
bringing even the coldest iron to melt

I cry out to these stars...knowing they won't understand how much I love you.

I am completely devastated.

For once, everything went well. And now I feel like all my hopes have been crashed mercylessly.

I am sure that I won't live on without her.

17!

Happy Birthday Rena!! It was nice tonight, and it will be even better in summer when we celebrate!

We went out for a walk coz we ate very much. I had cake and chicken and rice and pizza...all in four hours! way too much....we took wonderful pictures of the sunset scenery and the quiet city.

Isn't it beautiful there, with some ducks and the trees....



We took many pictures of that graffitti tunnel.















And for last, a lonely street next to the mall, on our way home.


I carried Rena piggyback coz I thought she was walking too slow. She couldnt run coz of her new shoes.

However, i gotta to some work now.
Night!

why does it always say dashboard?

almost everything I planned for today didnt work.
However, gotta jump under the shower now and get ready for tonight.

I'm in a hurry! btw, gotta make an announcement for next week! but not now, it's too late~

unheilig

Nothing is your fault.

There will be the one day, the day we secretly call Nameless Liberty, when I'll take away all your feelings of guilt.

There will be the one day, when you wake up next to me, when all doubts have faded and we look at each other knowing every word is deeply true.

Call me a dreamer.

However I dreamed a lot last year. All of these dreames I considered important came true. Actually, my hopes were highly surpassed. Thus I like being a dreamer.

Even though my greates fear has always been the future, even though this fact has not changed - maybe, because of it - I will move forward, running, sometimes stumbling, sometimes falling, but never stopping. Never going back.

The point of no return has been reached.

Therefore I live for the hope that I will be blessed....therefore I hope that I will reach you, since we're waiting for each other.

Keep running...to the future in which we are.

oi. oi, laranja!

I'm so bored. Should really play the guitar again. But i also got to do a stupid project for school...

but many changes happened! I cut my hair yesterday night! it looks good! nobody notices! I bought a leather jacket! I love it! It's too small but I dont care!

I'm fuckin tired....and I can't stop combing my hair with my fingers <3

evenings

Honestly, I'm fucking starving to death. Didn't eat properly for the entire last week.

I'm so excited about D'espairsRay's new single! Karyu made the song, so it will be awesome! Release date is april, along with a small tour in Japan.

Running for food now~