goooooooooooooruuuuuu

From today on, I have my middle school graduation !! Finally!!!

Maths, biology, chemistry, physics - the nature subjects to say so: 4, the whole lot! Just as I expected.
Scored 3 at German, sucks...but I didnt study or practise at all and didnt write my exams as I was supposed to do...
English 2, French 3 - damn cocksuckers couldnt it have been a little bit better?! So close to 1 and 2 this time!!
Art 1, the rest 2. Anyways.

SUCCESS!!!!!

itaiii#2

Vera almost broke my fingers during PE coz she hit the ball so fuckin hard! Gosh it hurts!!
Another girl knocked me over when she threw the ball right in my face...But since I was the Joker I had to protect the others and get all the punches...and we still lost 3:1 lol.

Had a nice shower, now I'm enjoying my free time and my icecream!

ENNELL

technical shit.

what the hell did the Nokia guys think of when they invented 5230.....
I can't delete single pictures but they remain as grey pics, popping up notes like "cant be deleted" all the time....
I cant open my pics in a row when I open the data on my pc! I gotta open every single pic first, close it, open the next one...and then I can open them one after another like it's usually done on a pc.
data that's not on my monile anymore appears in the text message sounds list while songs I want to use a sms tones don't appear in that list even though they ARE on my mobile....wtf?
I cant change the sound of my alarm clock, there's the same rininging all the time...

it's not that I don't know how to use that mobile, but it's just construed in a very unsual way and I gotta admit I wouldnt have bought if I knew all of that...oh, the cam sucks.

But I shouldnt complain, at least it works...

kaeru....

So i'm bacl home afetr 2 and a half days wothout mobile and internet....it was okay - I won't start complaining about some girls or my roommates, the food was okay, the room was okay, we smoked as hell - well I didn't even need half a pack, but my roommate and her two frioends smoked 4 packs I guess.

Anyways. Thanks for stealing my heart with Abyss, D'espairsRay, and with Kaeranu Hito, MUCC. Didn't stop liostzening to that one....

The loneliness was too awesome. Once I wandered through the forest - gosh, words are not enough to describe the basic beauty of these trees - and for about 20 minutes, I was free. For these 20 minutes nobody in this world neither knew I was gone nor where I went. I was absolutely free.

It was hard without my Darling....being pissed all day and not even having the chance to talk to her for a minute made me mad.

ENNELL

san...san, san, zero-san

three more days until the MONSTER's gonna be released from its chains! wonder what it will be like...

oh! 28th, that's the day I'm returning from sambachshof. Travelling there with my class to attend a political education program. will be very important for our graduation, so I'm curious what we'll learn there!
class trips are most often fun, expecially the ones that last longer than one day.
Our teacher told us: "There might be american soldiers or other classes....Absolutely no sexual contact with no one!!"

Downloaded a few albums of Merry and MUCC today and had a great day off with gambling and....water and cookies.
My mummy's cooking right now, hehe.

See you on Wednesday!
...and don't forget the fries!!
ENNELL

let's end it here.

I'm just fucked....AGAIN.....

Confusion and something between Before I Decay and Discharge, that's what it sounds like. I'm not in the mood to listen to it properly....but it seems okay.
I never liked Ruki growling in this insane way, he never was very good at it.

I'll fuck theses guys anyways for their selfishness. Dunno how to call it.
















Bought a sweater yesterday. 20 bucks. Wanted to have it printed with the DISORDER font.
"yeah, we can do it, but it will be a horrible work and it will cost at least 50 bucks."

now I know that one of the DISORDER sweaters cost around 200 bucks. plus pants, shoes, shirts, tops, hats, jewelery, probably underwear.

fuck gazette.

Now I realize how ridiculouse Reita's noseband looks.



There is no personal Top 3 for me anymore.

There's D'espairsRay and Dir en Grey.

And nothing else.

ENNELL

mayfly

and death stays at our side as our shadow, too strong and too fundamental as that we could get rid of it.



I am sorry for never listening to you work all these years. Now I can never tell you that I love your voice, Daisuke.

Rest in peace, or whatever is common to be said at this point.

ENNELL

shock of my live

I wore a black dress today and had my lighter in the front pocket. When I took the dress off at home, I suddenly heard a nasty bang and felt something cold at my right foot. Red plastic stuff flew around, my ears started ringing from the loud echo of my bathroom and I realized my lighter had exploded.
I jumped to the sink to wash my foot, can't tell if I imagined the pain in my shock or if it was real. I couldn't breath anymore because the air was filled with gas, so I ran out of my bathroom and waited until I could breath again.
Surprisingly my dress wasn't even wet a bit...I guess liquid gas becomes gaseos when in contact with oxydgen...
Anyways I washed my dress in the sink and now it should be okay again...

Don't ask me how that could happen, I'm clueless!

It reminds me of last summer when I smashed an almost empty lighter against a wall to make it explode. The pieces of plastic flew so high, it took almost three seconds until I heard them fall down again....

I'm still in shock!!

ENNELL

zenko - time passes

My last update was on thursday, can you believe it?

I can't!

I'd like to apologize for the trouble and worries I have caused last week. The people this apology goes to don't need to be named since I guess they know they're meant.

Today, I have only two things in mind.

Both are unbelievably far away from, almost unreachable for me.

My Darling, you will be as close as possible to me this summer. Knwowing that somewhere in the furture and in present a Somebody is waiting for me and caring about me, gives me strenght. I have a little bit of you everyday and some rare times even more. I'll wait for the day I can truely be yours again.

And the second person I love with everything my heart has to give, who doesn't even know of my existence, who doesn't even care about my existence, is even further afar, living in complete different universe, unreachable for 364 days a year.
On Sep 24th I will be close to him for a few moments, watching and loving him in silence and unseen, and it will be everything I will ever achieve, and I am truely thankful for this chance.

In my everyday life I am torn between the slightly touchable and the absolutely unreachable Somebody, I have them both and mostly only one and when I go to sleep, none.

How much I wished my days to be different, at least for some light and valuable moments.


ENNELL

jealousy reverse

You'll never guess what I did today. To express my inner mania:

I went downtown to buy the wonderful frenchgermanenglishromanianrussianalltogether movie Joyeux Noel, but they only sell it for Christmas, un. While seraching for it I fell over Ju-On, priced as 8€. but since I've already seen it and kinda stopped fancying horror movies, I didn't buy it.
Then I found The L word, season 2 to 6 without the first one, for 23€. I thought it wouldn't make sense to buy a DVD if I don't know it at all...
But at last, I found a cupboard with bargains, from 50 cent to 3€, and then my eyes popped when I saw the blue butterfly among cracked covers and 30 years old music, brandnew with a bright red bagde saying "bargain! 3€"
And I got so pissed when I saw how cheap this amazing good album is being thrown out, like it was some cheap whore. may be a strange comparision I know...
First I put it in the upper row for everyone to see, but after walking past for ten times I grabbed it and walked off to buy it.

Now I have it twice...but listen! If my original version breaks one day, I'll already have a cheap replacement! Plus, this one had a obi. And plus....I wanted to save it from the bargain corner. Honestly! It didn't fit their, so I amde it mine and now it adorns the upper row of my CD cupboard.

ENNELL!

and my live just sucks. I suck, my effort sucks, work sucks, people around me suck.
maybe I should try drinking myself into a coma, at least I wouldn't have to care about anything anymore.

why can't I have people around me supporting me or cheering me up or just being nice to me when I need it the most? why do I get slaps in the face over and over when I'm already completely devastated? is it so funny to see me breaking down?

ame

and while the ehat was killing, my I heard soft knocks on my window. I pulled the curtains aside to find out that it was finally raining! - so I put some clothes on and ran outside to enjoy the rain in my garden.

I ate cranberries, and they tasted GOOD.

when I get older, I will be stronger....

Singing~

Germany won at last! We rock! Neuer! ÖZIL!! You made us so proud!!


I could talk about my first time driving a car, but won't. I gotta get rid of something.

At 10pm this evening, Adrian called and asked if I wanted to join him and meet up with at Limes. Limes is a new and expensive and galant bar around here and I've never been there before.
The plot is - he wasn't alone, he was there with simply everybody. I don't have to mention names here, it was just everybody I'd usually spend a night at Limes.

None of these - and I'm repeating myself - so-called friends or better fuckin egoistic pricks wasted a second on thinking about me. They couldn't care less about me, that's it.

Maybe I'm just a too good person, but if I go out with some friends I'd immediately ask for missing people or if there's still someone we could call to join us.

Thank you Adrian for thinking of me. I know we hardly have chances to meet, but I just couldn't go there tonight.

ENNELL

versatile

Let's not loose too many words. I cried when we lost, that's it. We could have been way better.

Karyu's new guitar has the same colour as the lollipops I buy recently.

Uh.....


Butter cookies.

shivering

my wrist is killing me...but I'm in need of my right hand..!!

just watched SHIVER. It turned out to be good. I liked their choice of location a lot and the guitars were impressing me. that's it so far, but it's enough, it's okay.

"$HEADACHES

I seem to be very confused in the morning...I just took a shower with my glasses on.

lost count

So I finished the 7 hours of first aid education today. Gosh, they were some light-headed idiots...can't discribe it. They couldn't speak, think or listen. Helpless.
They were more useless than primates since even a monkey can emulate an action if he sees it a hundred times.
They. Could not.
That showed me my eduaction has succeeded.

I ate so much for dinner, ym stomach hurst very badly....aah, sleepy time for tomorrow, I'll stay in underwear and in my sweaty hot bed all day!!

You wonder what that was? Unnecessary details.

ENNELL

26headaches

I sorta cracked my neck...and now my head hurst as fuckin hell. Hell - nah, I'm gonna quit religion and attend ethics next year.

I'm off to some friend's birthday party now, I'm already late!

26beard

Hizumi has grown a little beard....it will make him loose all the lil rest of his feminism, but well...I guess it fits for the new PV.
They look like zombies, it's too awesome, I freakin love it and I havent even seen a big picture yet!
I missed them...long time no see kind of thing....and ZERO....I see him differently now, and it's strange.

I wish him the best. All of them.

it's out! ponr!! 27

ouch, my stomach bitches !

but who cares" Despas new tracklist for MONSTERS is out!! 10 songs, and somehow the last song "abyss" attracts me....

I have missed everything! The PV will be for DEATH POINT, new pictures have been taken, and everybody already knows them, but I don't!!

I nervous as you might realize.

27 days till release.....kill meeeeee!! I wanted to bleach my hair two hours ago....

ENNELL needs to be slapped hard and mercylessly in order not to lose it~~~~~!!